Valentine’s Day 2012 and at ‘50 something’ and for the first time in many, many years I find myself single. I may have to send myself a card. This emotional journey began when I was 13 and I took Lesley Rowson, aged 12, to see ‘Bonnie and Clyde’ at the ‘fleapit’ in Walkden. She finished with me the next day to go out with Ray Eckersley, aged 16, who she eventually married. I bet she’s sorry now…
I quite like my own company so am happy in my little post-divorce bachelor pad with beer in the fridge, Sky Sports on 24/7 and with four different kinds of take outs on my door step. There is much talk amongst my contemporaries about internet dating but I haven’t the energy for that and I know that if the camera had lied I would have to make my excuses and leave and do a Scott of the Antarctic, simply saying ‘I am just going outside and may be some time.’
I notice Asda are doing speed dating in some stores and I can see the logic in this. I think supermarkets are the ideal place to find true love and happiness. Without suggesting stalking is a healthy trait you can engineer several opportunities to bump into your potential partner in just one hour’s shopping, be it round the fresh meat or fresh veg sections. And a peek in their basket gives you an at a glance summary of their lifestyle – no wine and it would be doomed from the start.
I’ve also seen loads of stories over the years saying that the gym is the place to go if you want to find a partner who’s in it for the long run. I’ve never quite got this as unless you are a ‘hench’ – teenage slang for an all over six pack sort of guy, I understand from my 14 year old – I don’t see a sweaty gym kit being the most attractive of come ons? Perhaps it’s the sauna or the steam room or the Jacuzzi where hearts beat faster, but gym has never fixed it for me.
There is, however, a coffee shop in the Cheshire village which is now where I live and I do think that one day I may meet someone’s eyes across a massimo cappuccino and a blueberry muffin. The first record of a public place serving coffee, incidentally, dates back to 1475, Kiva Han located in the Turkish city of Constantinople. Coffee was such an important item during that time period that it was legal in Turkey for a woman to divorce her husband if he could not supply her with enough coffee…
The final option is to set one’s self up for public humiliation on one of the plethora of dating shows that appear on our television screens these days and meet someone like Rosie Webster. I am probably just too old for ‘Take Me Out’ but I remember ‘Blind Date’ used to feature oldies but goodies occasionally. That could be me now – I’m not as good as I once was but I’m good once as I ever was…
I watched ‘Dinner Date’ in the gym yesterday (after I had been to the supermarket and before I went for a coffee) and have to say, I envy the blokes that get to go on that. They get three free meals cooked by prospective dates, then get to choose one to go out on a dinner date with, making it a total of four fantastic food offerings and, usually, one of the three prospective partners gives food for thought.
The best, though, has to be ‘Dating in the Dark,’ a reality series on Sky which brings together six single people looking for love. The twist is that group meetings and dates all take place in pitch blackness. The dating couples are at the end given a 10-second glimpse of each other, and must decide whether to walk away or continue. It has become compulsive viewing for me and my 14 year old son and as he says, “Even you would stand a chance on that dad if they can’t see you.”
That was just before he asked to borrow some money so he could buy a Valentine’s card and present for his girlfriend. The circle of life. Or how the mighty have fallen…
By Brian Beech.